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As the Field Marshall Generalissimo responsible for rallying the Millenial troops in the fight for the right to binge drink blue alcoholic beverages, cry in a toilet cubicle and pass

Boris Johnson 

Giving self love a bad name since he performed his own Caesarian Section on his long suffering mother back on June 19th, 1964, Boris Johnson has scaled such heights of

Aung San Suu Kyi

One of only a handful of happy go lucky Nobel Peace Prize winners to go on to commit genocide, Aung San Suu Kyi is also renowned for having the world’s

Pope Francis 

The first openly foot worshipping Pontif since the OGJC himself, Pope Francis has spent more time on his knees inspecting young men’s extremities than a podiatrist with extreme vertigo. So


Only one letter off from being an anagram of the world’s least favourite fast food dispenser of steroid and growth hormone ‘simulated poultry’ containers, Johnny FK still remains in our

Simon Cowell 

Now, we truly are looking into the Devil’s maw…and his nephew’s maw and the entire dogging community of Swindon’s maw. This is ground zero for evil. Genghis Khan is kicking

Joy Behar

An inspiration to talkative canteen staff the world over, Joy has managed to pull herself up by her hernia corset and live and make a living amongst the double digit

Theresa May 

After finally freeing herself from underneath a collapsed house in Munchkin Land, Theresa May took one long look in the mirror just before it cracked and realised that, yes, hers

Ariana Grande

This pygmy dwarf bimbo has defenestrated her tediously annoying coy underage sex-worker image through the window of the world’s glazed expressionless soul. Objectively highly attractive she has still managed to

Barack Obama

The Holy One. A man with the powers to enable sanctimonious Caucasian people to break the land speed record from patting themselves on the back in their adoration of him.


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