Joy Behar

An inspiration to talkative canteen staff the world over, Joy has managed to pull herself up by her hernia corset and live and make a living amongst the double digit IQ human population by masquerading as one of them. By following the lip movements of these people she has been able to acquire a vocabulary of almost 70% the amount of Koko the gorilla and is able to perform some quite complex tasks such as opening a door while talking, closing a door while talking, sitting down while talking, standing up while talking and talking while talking. Her husband/trainer performs most of her toiletry needs and also handles her contract negotiations. His opening gambit is usually to threaten a weekend visit by Joy to the executive’s house to discuss her teeth. This highly effective technique has resulted in Joy being the highest paid mollusc in television history.

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